Best Tempeh EVER

So, you wanna make the best tempeh ever, but you're kind of a dummy. Don't worry about it!

1). Buy some tempeh. I always buy soy, because flax and seeds are gross!
2). cut the tempeh into triangles, as shown
3). boil all your tempeh for about 15-30 minutes. The more you boil it, the better it will be!
4). while your tempeh is boiling, mix your marinade.
FOR THE MARINADE:
-all you need for a great marinade is a lot of great condiments that you love. You can put whatever the hell you want in your marinade, as long as some quantity of BBQ sauce is present.
Here's what I mixed up:
-BBQ, Ketchup, soy sauce, ginger, apple cider vinegar, salt & pepper, lemon juice, agave nectar, coca cola, brown sugar, garlic & onion powder.
But do whatever you want!
5). Alright, so your tempeh is boiled. Strain it, and but it in your condiment bath. Leave it there for as long as you can stand. Again, the longer, the better it will taste.
6. THE LAST STEP: cook in a medium saucepan with some EVOO.
~*~*you're gonna love it.

Now you want to know what that Mac & Cheeze is doing on the plate. I'll tell you: my pal Rosie told me about it. So, consider it her recipe.

How you do it, I think:
-mix in a bowl: 2 cups of nutritional yeast, 3 table spoons of garlic sat, 2 tablespoons of onion powder, salt, pepper, 3 tablespoons of Earth Balance, anywhere from 2-3 tablespoons of cornstarch, as much cayenne pepper as your mouth can handle, and enough water to make it smooth and creamy.
-boil your noodles, strain noodles, pour in cheese mixture and heat over stove!

Then, eat it.