Oy Vey, Alicia Silverstone's Latkes!

Happy Hanukkah you Shiksas. Jewish or not, everyone loves Alicia Silverstone. 

But do you really know her? 

FIVE FACTS ABOUT ALICIA SILVERSTONE

1. Her parents are named Monty and Didi
2. She was name PETA's "Sexiest Vegetarian Ever" in 1994. 
3. She is in a few Aerosmith Videos---including this weird one where she makes out with Liv Tyler. AEROSMITH'S DAUGHTER. 

Why did Aerosmith do such a weird thing??

4. Her eyes are not just green, but "emerald."

5. She loves to be healthy!

6. Bonus fact: she may or may not feed her children with the "baby bird feeds her chicks" method. 

However,  The most important gift Alicia has given us is her latke recipe. 

Here is a link to her Food Blog: 

vegan latkes!

that's right, I do not claim to be the creator of this recipe by any means.

But, here is what we made: 

They were pretty good, though we had to add just a little more flour, because they were falling all over the place!

A word to the wise: best served with: Apple sauce,vegan sour cream, and Debbie Friedman's Mi Shebaeirech. 

(R.I.P)

XOXOX

Best Tempeh EVER

So, you wanna make the best tempeh ever, but you're kind of a dummy. Don't worry about it!

1). Buy some tempeh. I always buy soy, because flax and seeds are gross!
2). cut the tempeh into triangles, as shown
3). boil all your tempeh for about 15-30 minutes. The more you boil it, the better it will be!
4). while your tempeh is boiling, mix your marinade.
FOR THE MARINADE:
-all you need for a great marinade is a lot of great condiments that you love. You can put whatever the hell you want in your marinade, as long as some quantity of BBQ sauce is present.
Here's what I mixed up:
-BBQ, Ketchup, soy sauce, ginger, apple cider vinegar, salt & pepper, lemon juice, agave nectar, coca cola, brown sugar, garlic & onion powder.
But do whatever you want!
5). Alright, so your tempeh is boiled. Strain it, and but it in your condiment bath. Leave it there for as long as you can stand. Again, the longer, the better it will taste.
6. THE LAST STEP: cook in a medium saucepan with some EVOO.
~*~*you're gonna love it.

Now you want to know what that Mac & Cheeze is doing on the plate. I'll tell you: my pal Rosie told me about it. So, consider it her recipe.

How you do it, I think:
-mix in a bowl: 2 cups of nutritional yeast, 3 table spoons of garlic sat, 2 tablespoons of onion powder, salt, pepper, 3 tablespoons of Earth Balance, anywhere from 2-3 tablespoons of cornstarch, as much cayenne pepper as your mouth can handle, and enough water to make it smooth and creamy.
-boil your noodles, strain noodles, pour in cheese mixture and heat over stove!

Then, eat it.

Mojitos For the Wintertime

There's nothing less appropriate than mojitos when it's 30 degrees out. But, I bought a whole lot of fresh basil last week, and I'm out of spaghetti. So, it's time to drink it. Here's how you will do it. 

~*~Basil Mojitos~*~

What you're gonna need:

1). 4-5 leaves of fresh basil per drink

2. 1 bottle of rum. (you'll use a doubleshot in each drink.)

3. Club Soda

4. ice cubes

5. 1-2 tablespoons of brown sugar

6. 4 lime wedges per drink

** just buy cheap rum. it works great for this recipe. unless you have lots and lots of money, then you should buy good rum. 

What you're gonna do:

1. grind up the basil either with a mortar & pestle or chop it. Drop that sloppy mess in the bottom of your cup.

2. squeeze 3 of your lime wedges into your glass, and leave the rinds at the bottom

3. add the sugar

4. add the ice cubes

5. add the double shot 

6. add enough club soda to double your double shot.

7. slip a lime wedge on the rim of your glass, because you are fancy.

REQUIRED: some of your favorite people to drink your drink. 

Monday Funday: GYROS ALL 'ROUND

That's right, everyone. It's Monday, and that means gyros.
First you should go to the store, and you'll need to go to a store where you can buy SEITAN. You can make it yourself, but that seems like a lot of work, so you should probably just buy it. So once you're at the store you will need to scavenge for the following items:

-24 oz of SEITAN.
-No-chicken-broth
-fresh dill
-3 potatoes
-pita bread
-vegan sour cream
-2 cucumbers
-2 onions
-2 tomatoes
-fresh garlic
-If you live in a respectable household, you will probably already own these necessary items: cayenne pepper, salt, REAL pepper, olive oil & soy sauce. So in this case, you won't need to buy any of this from your grocery store.
-For your own safety, you should stock up on some band-aids. The chances you will cut yourself are almost 100%.

So, now you're home, and you've let the dog out and hidden her feces in a pile of leaves and you're ready to start cooking. First you are going to get that seitan soakin'.

Seitan is packaged in block formation, so just start cutting thin strips right off the side. Put the strips in a bowl, and pour enough broth on the seitan that it's kind of taking a bath. Then add a 1/2 cup of soy sauce, and a few dashes of salt, a dash of pepper, and a small dash of ketchup. You'll then leave the seitan to marinade while you make the rest of your meal. But don't neglect it now, be sure to mix it around every once in awhile.

Now it's time to make your tzatiki sauce. And get excited about it. Follow these simple steps, and don't even worry about it.

1). peel your cucumber.
2). grate the cucumber into a mixing bowl, and squeeze out all the cucumber water you can. Add both the juice and the shavings to the bowl.
**OR if you are one of the fortunate few to own a juicer (I am) it's waaaaay easier to juice your cucumber. Pour the juice into your mixing poor, and add the cucumber pulp.**
3. Chop up that dill. Chop it real good too. Otherwise it gets stuck in your teeth, and you'll get embarrassed. Add it to the bowl.
4. then add your vegan sour creme.
5. then add some cayenne. (Remember that cayenne makes food spicy.)
6. Add some lemon juice, some salt, some pepper.
7. chop up 3 cloves of garlic. To the bowl.
TA DA! Tzatziki as easy as that.

Now's a good time to remember your friend seitan. Give 'er a little mix.

Now you're gonna make some fries. Cut your potatoes into wedges. Don't cut a little bit of your hand off. I did! Be sure to throw away any potato that you might bleed on. Once you've taken care of that, Salt and pepper the rest of your fries. A little cayenne to add some heat. Pour oil on them. Put them in the oven at 425 and leave them til they are brown.

Now you're gonna prepare your seitan. dump yout seitan and it's bath into a sauce pan on medium heat. Let it cook down until all the juice is gone. This should take about 20-25 minutes. While you're waiting for seitan, dice your other cucumber and tomatoes. Add some olive oil, vinegar, salt and pepper.

Personally, I need my pita to be warm and soft. So put it in the microwave for 45 seconds.

Now you put it all together.

Seitan first, in the middle of the pita, then tomatoes and cucumbers, then tzatiki. Fries on the side.

pro-tip: pour the tzatziki all over your fries.

Now serve your food to friends, moms, lovers, or enjoy solo. But a word to the wise: don't serve this on a first date! First of all, your breath won't be great. You also will look like a big slob eating this, and you won't be able to enjoy yourself if you're trying to be polite.

This is Merit eating her gyro. She says "this is my favorite food ever."